There I was, at another doctor appointment with Bella.
As Bella gets older I feel she’s understanding more and more what’s going on with her health. Sitting in these confined rooms, waiting for the doctors and surgeons to come in has become so stressful.
I try my best to distract and entertain her to the best of my ability. Finally, I hear a knock on the door and four specialists come in.
My heart sinks because I think oh God what now!?!? My sweet Bella proceeds to greet all of them with a big ol’ Hiiiiii!!!
As each one takes their turn explaining to me why she needs a mandibular distraction, I think to myself NOT AGAIN. When Bella was two, she has this same surgery done. She was kept in an induced coma for almost two weeks. Things went wrong and I thought I had lost my baby.
It took every bit of me to keep my strength intact and not break down. I realized, in that moment, that the trauma of that chapter in my life has not been healed.
Moms need time to heal from past trauma.
Bella will be having her 10th surgery in a couple months and I’d be lying if I told you I’m not scared.
What I do know is this:
My faith in God is so strong that all I can do is hand it over to Him. I truly believe with all my heart if I tried to handle this any differently it just wouldn’t work.
Making this decision as a mother is hard, but it’s also best for Bella’s future.
To all my mamas out there who have kids with special needs – Stay cool, be strong, and keep the faith!
Bella’s mom, Founder of BHOH